A Professional Matchmaker Audited (Roasted) My Dating App Profile

Part 1: The 3 things she said I needed to change about my photos & I'm actually going to share these photos with y'all and the new-ish ones

I went to an event a few weeks ago where a professional matchmaker (one of the ones who set me up on a date, actually) spent 20 minutes auditing each attendee’s profile.

I’ve always been confused about what I’m “doing wrong” on the apps because I average about two dates per quarter, which is generous, if we're being honest. And before you say it’s because I’m too picky. Let me tell you….I don’t think I’m picky enough. I genuinely go weeks without someone who I would say no to, like my profile. Meanwhile, I have friends going on like 3 first dates a week, so something wasn’t quite right.

Within thirty seconds of scrolling through my photos, she delivered the kind of brutal honesty I didn’t know I needed.

“I understand exactly why you’re only going on two dates a quarter,” she said flatly, not even pretending to sugarcoat it.

She asked if she could continue to be blunt to which I was more than happy to have her go all in brutally honest.

After all, if you want to see change, you have to face the feedback.

You might be wondering what stake a matchmaker has in making sure people succeed on the dating apps.

From her perspective, she sees the apps as a very useful tool not just for people who aren’t going to pay for pricey matchmaking services, but because it also increases the pool for her clients and she can work with them on the apps.

According to her expert eye, the issue wasn’t me (le duh), it was how I was presenting myself. She said, “Look at these pictures,” and then motioning toward me across the table, “but look at these pictures.”

Nearly all my photos were taken over the past six months, which happened to be winter. And I am, unapologetically, a turtleneck girl. I love a high neckline. My friends used to joke that before a date they’d have to text me to remind me not to wear an oversized sweater or turtleneck.

In the photos where I wasn’t in an oversized sweater or bundled in my favorite wool coat….oh and there’s the floor length fur coat picture too…

These photos were perfect for my curated feed. Not so much for dating apps.

What she wanted to see from me was the side of me that is the chic European woman who’s open and warm.

“This is a very cute coat,” she said, pointing to what I considered a top-tier photo. “But I can’t see your figure at all.”

She explained that strong dating profile photos need to accomplish at least one of three things. Ideally, all three.

First: Body language. Do you look open and approachable or stiff and closed off?

Second: Outfit choice. Are you wearing something you’d actually wear on a date or are you buried under three layers of aesthetic knitwear?

Third: Interest photos. If nothing else, the photo should show an interest or hobby like you gardening or playing golf - something that gives potential matches a conversational in. This is where it’s ok to have the sunglasses on (which is also not ideal) or the too many dogs in a photo (yes that was some feedback too.

Shockingly, she didn’t hate the red coat photo entirely. “Your body language here is open,” she admitted. “But you’re still not giving them anything to work with in terms of what you look like.”

The realization? The critique didn’t send me spiraling or feel insulting. It was that it was right. I’d been dressing for my feed, not my future dates.

In part two I’ll share more feedback including what she had to say about prompts, which I think is really where I’ve seen the biggest shift.

Now let’s get into the Before Pictures and After Pictures and the Exact Feedback She Gave: